Date: Whenever You Opened This
RESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSE
YOU ARE HERE
SOME COUNTRY THAT IS A SOCIETAL CONSTRUCT
Dear Resident of the Universe,
We are conducting a short survey that is the first step in understanding more about people in the universe and we need your help.
Because you were randomly selected to participate in our poll, your responses are important and we cannot replace you with anyone else [four births per second, but ignore that fact, please]. Your responses will represent millions of people just like you who were not selected to participate. Please read each question carefully and answer each one honestly—there are no right or wrong answers. It is your opinion that counts. Your individual responses will remain confidential and we will never release any of your personal information. We have enclosed $1.00 [we truly wish it was more than a dollar bill that seems to only be able to purchase a 30-minute time stamp at airports or can be broken into four quarters and inserted into trolleys and will then lock the wheels again when you redeem your change, but given that the company is solely run by a 23-year-old who barely has fifty dollars left over from her GA stipend every month, we apologize that she cannot also feed you as a token of our appreciation.
Thank you in advance for helping us achieve our mission of “Freaking People the Fuck Out that They’re Not as Special as They Think.”
Sincerely,
Another Prosaic
Company®
Insignificant Being ™ is a trademark of Another Prosaic Company®, and though we have not purchased a patent for this because anyone can superscript letters and symbols, we semi-own the properties of these names. Copyright © 2018-2019 Another Prosaic Company®. All rights reserved.
